


Past Nightmares (and Future Hopes)

by messedup



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: But also, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Nightmares, Pain, War Mention, after thursday´s episode, apparently thats what I write now, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 07:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20720336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedup/pseuds/messedup
Summary: Callum forgets his phone at the hospital and when Ben comes over later that evening to give it back he sees how upset Callum is.Canon divergence after Thursday´s episode (19th September)





	Past Nightmares (and Future Hopes)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so first of all: I was really happy with Thursday´s episode. I really like the slow burn (even if it can drive you mad sometimes)! I think it´s good that they take time to develop the characters (especially Callum´s) first and slowly build it up. However, this idea just came to me and I thought why not write it? So, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (This isn´t edited quite as much as the last two fics were, so apologies if there are more mistakes, I´m not a native speaker!)

Ben´s gaze followed Callum as he walked away down the hall. 

He could have sworn that he saw Callum´s shoulders sag a little as he neared the doors at the end of the corridor. For a moment he considered if he should go after him to see if he was okay. But then he thought better of it. However much Ben wanted to be at Callum´s side right now, he had already told him that he could stay if he wanted to. And Callum had refused, so he probably wanted some space. Even though he had said he would go to give his family some time with Bobby, Ben could tell that it wasn´t only that. He told himself that Callum was probably just tired from the day, it had been very eventful for him after all. He convinced himself as best as he could not to worry. 

Ben forced his gaze away from the door Callum had left trough. He went to sit down on the chair Callum had vacated only a few minutes ago but stopped in his tracks as he spotted something. There was a phone lying on the chair next to him. He recognized it as Callum´s.

It was much later that evening when he exited the hospital into the cold air. His body felt stiff and sore from being cramped on the small hospital chair in the corner of Bobby´s room for too long. 

His fingers closed around the phone that still rested in the pocket of his jacket. He realized that he had subconsciously held onto it for most of the time since the moment he found it. 

Walking to his car at the other end of the car park he debated if he should return the phone now or wait until the morning. He decided a quick detour wouldn´t make much of a difference on his way home. Also, Callum wouldn´t have to worry about having lost his phone on top of everything else that had happened. Ben pushed away the little voice in the back of his head that told him seeing Callum might have been one of the reasons for his decision, too. 

However, once he stood in front of the door to Callum´s flat doubt settled in. What if he was already asleep? Ben took a quick look at his watch. It wasn´t that late, but after today he might have gone to bed early. He bit his lip in consideration when he realized there was still light coming from one of the windows. It could be Stuart, but he was willing to take that risk. Ben smiled subconsciously as he turned to ring the doorbell. 

For a long moment there was nothing, then steps shuffling to the door. Ben was met with a confused look on Callum´s face as he opened the door. 

“Ben?”, he said, his voice slightly hoarse, “What are you doing here?”

“Found your phone at the hospital.” He was about to make joke when he realized Callum´s red eyes. It looked like he had been crying. 

“Callum? You alright?” He took a step closer, raising his hand to lightly grasp his arm.

Callum hastily brushed a hand over his eyes. “I´m fine. I´ll be fine.” He sighed. “Today was just... well, a lot.” His head was bowed.

Ben´s fingers softly stroked his arm where he was still holding onto him.

“C´mere.”, he said and Callum took a quick step forward and all but fell into his arms. Ben sucked in a breath reminding Callum that he was still in recovery.

“Sorry, Sorry!” He was about to retreat, but Ben closed his arms around him.

“It´s okay. Didn´t hurt that much. It was more the surprise.”, he whispered into his neck. He tightened his grip around him as Callum buried his face in his shoulder. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?”, Ben whispered softly, trying to calm him down, rubbing small circles into his tense shoulders. He could feel the small nod against him.

They broke apart and Callum pulled Ben into the hall to close the door behind him. 

There was noise coming from the living room. Ben tried to brace himself for facing Stuart, but as they walked in he realized it was only the TV. They seemed to be alone in the flat.

With both sitting down on the sofa there was silence for a while – apart from the steady noise coming from some trashy show neither of them really payed any attention to. Ben stole a few glances at Callum, but didn´t say anything. He waited for Callum to be ready to talk, to find the right words.

“Everything that happened today... it brought a lot of memories back. You know, from the army.”, Callum finally said. “I used to have a lot of nightmares.” He didn´t look at Ben as he talked, busying his shaking hands by playing with the hem of his shirt.

Ben didn´t know what he had gone through, couldn´t even imagine the things he had probably seen.

“What memories?”, he asked. Because he wanted to understand, wanted to know what caused him such distress. “Sorry, you don´t have to answer that if you don´t want to.”, he backtracked. He realized that maybe Callum wasn´t ready to talk to him about this and he didn´t want to risk him shutting down on him again.

But Callum did talk. He started, his voice rough but quiet, pausing from time to time like he needed a moment to process his own memories. He kept talking, even when tears began to build up his eyes again, even when they were rolling down his cheeks. 

Ben listened, not interrupting him once. 

They had at some point shifted closer to each other on the sofa and their hands were entangled. Ben´s grip was firm. Grounding, somehow. 

“I´m sorry you had to go through that.”, Ben said once Callum was quiet again. “I wish you could see that there is no reason to blame yourself in any way. Maybe you couldn´t save everyone. But you saved so many people. And that´s so much more than most of us can say.” He realized that there were tears in his eyes as well.

Ben looked at Callum in consideration. “You´re scared the nightmares will come back, aren´t ya? That why you´re here watching some crappy TV show even though you look like you could possibly sleep through four days or something?”

Callum didn´t meet his eyes but nodded slightly. “I just know they´ll be back as soon as I close my eyes.” He looked exhausted.

“Would it help...ehm...”, Ben scratched his head nervously, “I don´t know... ehm... I could stay?” He blushed. “Sorry, that sounds wrong. I promise, I´m not trying to take advantage or anything!” He shook his head. “Forget I said anything, that was probably a terrible idea.”

Callum´s cheeks flushed red, too. “No, actually... that... that would really be great.”, he smiled sheepishly. “I could do with some company, I think.”

Ben looked up, meeting his eyes. He smiled back softly.

When the first rays of light came into the room the next morning Ben woke to the warmth of sunshine on his skin and of Callum tucked in at his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> I´m @stillamess22 on tumblr if you want to come chat :)


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